HP6 and Whatever Works

Harry Potter 6 is well worth the 3 hours of film if you include excessive previews. It's a delight to watch! I particularly found it difficult to take my eyes off Malfoy. He went all out this time round. And whenever I see Maggie Smith (almost 75), I will always think of Miss Jean Brodie: "I'm past me prime gels," or, even better, "Six inches is perfectly adequate. More is vulgar!"

I don't, however, recommend this movie to a restless 5-year-old - not mine anyway. She loves all the movies, but only when she's watching them at home. For this, she was bored after about 20 minutes, and we had to make a few trips to the bathroom, and I was glad to have some toys on hand to entertain her because I wasn't bored in the least. She spent more time watching the audience than the film.

As for Whatever Works, I was sorrily disappointed. I hadn't thought much of Woody lately, but I loved Vicky Cristina Barcelona. So I was looking forward to something special, but it disappoints. The actors spoke like they were on stage, and the main character, Boris, spoke to the audience frequently, and that's typical for Allen, but I find it awkward to watch. It's impossible to get lost in the film when you're constantly aware these people are acting. I liked that Boris tells it like it is to everyone he meets. I tend to admire people like that. But his love interest, Melodie, was supposed to be his opposite particularly to his brilliance, but her stupidity was over the edge and grating. A few lines of hers were funny, but too many were just uncomfortable. He's the heartless brain, and she's the brainless heart, and they're both painfully two-dimensional.

At 92 minutes, it feels like it goes on forever, yet it really needs another half hour or so. Characters change paths abruptly and unbelievably. There's too many to get to know them very well in the time allotted, and most feel like they're just doing a first reading of the script. Instead of subtle dialogue and action leading the plot, everything's spelled out in efficient asides that are devoid of any creativity or poetry. By the end I felt beat over the head with the big message: Enjoy life in any way that works for you. There. I spoiled the ending for you, so you don't have to go. You're welcome.

Hannah and Her Sisters it's not. Too bad.

On Sequels

The first three Star Wars were amazing (from memories of grade 7 at least), then it should all have stopped there.

I'm still loving Harry Potter. For that one, I think a series of seven will be just fine, if the last two can do justice to the first five, that is. Well that's hoping the fifth lives up to its reviews.

And one of my favourite movies of all time was a sequel:  T2.

I loved the first Pirates of the Caribbean. I liked the second one despite the weak reviews. But the third one blows goats. It's an attempt at Man Ray meets Disney, and it fails miserably – unless you're on acid.

Beyond the little men in Depp's mind, the sexism bothered me. I was annoyed by the stereotypes perpetuated in the film.

First off, when Elizabeth is escorted in to see the gang-lord dude, only she is made to wear a tiny little robe. And then her own people, pirates in her crew, are under the floor boards sneaking a peak up her wazzoo. To me, it was positively creepy. My kids didn't give a hoot. They were oblivious to the opportunistic voyeurism of her "friends."

Then she gets to be the head honcho only because Depp deferred his vote to her. It seemed a strategic play on his part. But bottom line, she certainly didn't win by merit of any kind, but by a man's allowance. Not a great victory, that one.

But what's really bugging me today is Bambi II. My daughter begged for it, and the writers have merely re-written the entire Bambi story in a slightly different way and called it "new." And they did the same thing for Lion King II, which is entirely unwatchable.

But whenever I watch a money-making movie that's so clearly plagiarized and full of crap and/or portraying archaic gender norms, it gives me hope that one day I'll actually publish something.

Go me!